On Those Days

On those days

when you miss someone the most

as though your memories
are sharp enough
to slice through skin and bone

remember how they loved you. 

Remember how they loved you 
and do that
for yourself.

In their name
in their honour.
Love yourself
as they loved you.

They would like that. 

On those days
when you miss someone the most
love yourself harder.           -Donna Ashworth

Self esteem, self regard, self care, self love were not concepts encouraged in my family of origin. The way to obtain 'joy' in our church family was 'Jesus first, others next, yourself last'. Often recited to me at home and church was the Bible verse, Romans 12:3, Do not think more highly of yourself that you ought. So it's no wonder I was flabbergasted by Brenneman culture that has a healthy sense of self. People in hubby's family, when asked for something by another, say no. Unheard of in Zaerr culture. Particularly if a family member asked for help- the unquestioned answer was "of course, I'll be there." 

So, the first sermon text I tackled in seminary was Romans 12. Taken in context, that verse is calling believers to a new common life in Christ- acknowledging there is one body but many gifts. The church is to be about identifying those gifts in one another; it's not a solo endeavor. It's also set in Greek context where the body was idealized- the Greeks created the Olympics to honor Zeus, the father of Greek gods and goddesses. Here the biblical writer shifts the focus and calls believers to present their bodies as a living sacrifice in spiritual worship to God. Consider one's gifts, yes, but in the context of how those gifts fit with the gifts of others in community.

This verse/ this concept ran deep in our church culture. A few weeks ago I re-shared a funny post on social media, about getting a gift for one's husband at Christmas being difficult because when he married you, he got everything he ever want. Most people chuckled as did I. My youth group sponsor from childhood posted "Romans 12.3". 

Mom, who often quoted that verse at me, is the one I miss the most. It's a challenge, then, to love myself harder, as she did. But I am confident of her love, and believe she now lives with a larger perspective than our church exegesis could muster, and when I love myself harder, she would like that.