Longing for home

Pictures of the week we cleared out Mom's house are popping up in my Echo Show this week. It must call up pictures by time of year because it's been two years now that we siblings plus Doug and Elaine gathered to sort, divide, discard and clean. I was dreading it, and although it was emotionally draining, it was also a special time to be together as a family. We had final meals together around the table Mom loved to cook for us. The same table where we gathered with Dad after his cancer diagnosis and looked at each other, and he said, "Somebody say the prayer!" I don't remember if it was me. Most of the time our family prayed over meals in silence, but occasionally aloud. 

The first night after the meal, we suggested which bigger things we'd like to have. It was amazing that there was nothing that two people wanted- or at least we agreeably gave way if someone else wanted a piece. Later we found a list from Mom of who got what and it matched how we divided things up. We had in Steve's kids to choose some things. Because there was more dishes and things than 3 families could absorb, we had the Beck relatives and a few neighbors in on Sunday night and made popcorn, and people got to take things they wanted. Mom had taken pictures of her dishes, pasted them on lined paper and hand-written on one sided sheets the history of each dish. We were able to cut apart these paragraphs and give them with the dish. Mom worked on that dish history project while she was housebound caring for Dad's declining health. I wonder if she ever thought how special it would be for her extended family to have a dish and her handwritten history. 

I long to gather in that house again. It wasn't even my childhood home, my parents moved there when I was an adult and gone from home. But I spent a lot of time there with my grandparents as it is just across the lawn on the farm. Mom and Dad lived there about as long as they lived in the bigger farmhouse my brother's family has made their home. It was a place I was always treasured, welcomed with a big smile, hugs and a meal. No matter where I'd been traveling or how tired or stressed I was, I could truly be myself there. It made Mom so happy to have me home. My husband and kids miss me when I'm gone, and are glad I'm home, but they are not effusive people. I traveled for work when the kids were little and they never ran to meet me with hugs. Now, Mister doesn't even get out of his chair when I return from traveling. He looks at me and says, "Well?" I know he misses me and is happiest when I'm home, but it's not his way to fuss.

We are planning our annual family gathering, which brings to mind how much I miss home. We tried meeting in the middle with an AirBnB; expensive but we got to have a meal around the table. This year we will likely do hotel rooms to accommodate scattered people's schedules. I will miss family meals around the table in a home. I know we couldn't keep Mom's house in order to meet for family gatherings. And I'm glad for the sibling virtual chats and that we want to be together. But I miss home... that period of my life is over and won't come again. I will likely always long for home this side of glory.